she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
