he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
