I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
So apparently I’m into choking now
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
