just come out here and I will go home with you...
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
