I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
