It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
