You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
