I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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