onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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