I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Shame - the story of my life.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
