I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
