I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
When are your genitals available?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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