The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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