he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
