you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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