Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
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