That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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