Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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