I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
