Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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