Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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