Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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