...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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