her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
