There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
