That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
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You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
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The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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