I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
