I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
