: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
