Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
All the doctor said was why
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
