Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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