it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
