i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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