My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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