he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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