Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
