i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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