fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
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I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
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leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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