The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize