You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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