just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
