Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
