If that was your dad, he is hot
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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