true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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