Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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