I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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