Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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