how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
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couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
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His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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