If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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