Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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