I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
