He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
