Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
