this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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