farters have to be the big spoon...
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
