I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
