I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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