I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
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