I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
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do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
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Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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