it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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