I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
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She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
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When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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