who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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