I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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