and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
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