can u get pink eye on your cock?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
