Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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