Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Randomize
