Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Help. Why am I so naked?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
