dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
