RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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