I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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