I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
