Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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