Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
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They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
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