I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
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I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
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