Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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