You just made me feel so damn special
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
