you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
