Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
