Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
