Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
