uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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